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For most of last year, I worked on and promoted my New York Times bestselling (I’m gonna keep leaning into that until it gets super obnoxious, and then keep going to a little bit) memoir, Still Just A Geek. A huge part of my story is my survival of child abuse and exploitation, living with CPTSD and the depression and anxiety that accompany it.

So it follows that for most of last year, I was picking at a barely-healed wound. When the promotion cycle wrapped up, I gave myself permission to just withdraw from public life as much as I wanted and needed to, so I could rest and regain my hit points. While I was resting, that wound I’d been picking at got infected and made me … not extremely sick, but sicker than I’ve felt in a long long time. So I did what you do when you’re sick: I went to the doctor, and I’ve been doing the work every day to get better.

We got the infection cleaned up, but the wound is still there. It’ll probably be there for the rest of my life, so I’m doing the work to heal it, let the scab do its thing, and eventually become a scar that I can’t feel. I can look at it and know that it represents all the work I’ve done to heal myself.

I haven’t wanted to talk about this at all because all those months of being vulnerable in public, revisiting the most painful and traumatic moments of my life, was a lot. I needed and deserve quiet, private time for myself to recover.

All of that is to give some context to what I’m about to share with you.

Last night, Anne and I went to the fancy premiere of Star Trek Picard’s final season at the Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. Before the screening began, after we were all settled into our seats, Terry Matalas and Alex Kurtzman introduced the show, thanked the cast and crew, and turned the spotlight over to Patrick. He spoke lovingly and beautifully about the entire experience, in that Patrick Stewart way we all love.

As he was wrapping up his remarks, he said, “I would like to ask the cast who are here to please stand up,” so they could also be celebrated.

I remembered how humiliating it was, how much it hurt, those times Rick Berman deliberately left me seated while everyone else was standing up, those times Rick Berman made me feel exactly the way my father made me feel: unwelcome, unworthy, invisible. Not a great feeling.

But last night wasn’t about me. Yes, I have a wonderful cameo in season two, but I’m not in season three. And last night was about season three. It was about celebrating my family, who all came together for what is likely their final mission together. So I was happy to stay in my seat while they started to stand up. I clapped so hard my hands are still vibrating this morning. I applauded not just their work on this season, but everything they’ve given to Star Trek for over thirty years. I celebrated the absolute hell out of my family. And while I was doing this, I looked across the aisle at Frakes and clapped at/for him.

We made eye contact, and he gave me this incredulous look. “Why are you sitting down? Stand up, W!” He said.

So I did, and he applauded me, and I may have wept just a little bit. Or maybe a lot. I can’t remember. I was so grateful to be included in the moment by the man who I wish was my father, who loves me and sees me like my own parents never did.

My dad never made an effort to get to know me. It’s a choice he made, not some personality quirk, because he put a lot of effort into knowing and loving my brother and sister. My mom has gaslighted me about his abuse and bullying my whole life, forcing me to apologize to him when he hurt me. For a long time, I believed her lies and even tried hating myself as much as he hates me, hoping maybe then he would see and love and care about me. (Spoiler alert: it didn’t.)

A significant part of the pain I feel and the healing I continue to work on, is that awful black hole in my life where my father’s love should be. I’ve spent so much time there, I know more about it than anyone, certainly more than my manipulative, selfish, drunk of a mother who insists it doesn’t exist. I absolutely know my memories and my feelings and everything my dad chose to withhold from me are real, because I never once in my 50 years on this planet felt loved and accepted by my dad the way I felt and feel loved and accepted by Frakes. He’s always been there for me. He’s always made sure that I know I am part of a family, something my birth parents never bothered to do.

Later, at the after party, as I was saying goodnight, he said, “What were you doing, sitting down?”

“This whole thing tonight isn’t about me. It’s about you guys,” I said.

“No,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder, “this is about us.”

I felt so seen, so loved … and had to take a deep breath to force the tears back, and I said, “Thank you for including me, Johnny. You are the best dad I never got to have.”

And we hugged each other, and he told me that he loves me, and I told him that I love him back.

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leiter420
494 days ago
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This is beautiful
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1 public comment
cjhubbs
491 days ago
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So beautiful.
Iowa

Beautiful Wallpaper Collections

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8 beautiful collections and 40 images in total. High resolution for your next project, as wallpaper on your phone, tablet or computer. 

Grab them here


#wallpapers #photos #photography #3D #art #digitalart #design 

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leiter420
573 days ago
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New backgrounds!
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Discovery of new UEFI rootkit exposes an ugly truth: The attacks are invisible to us

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Discovery of new UEFI rootkit exposes an ugly truth: The attacks are invisible to us

Enlarge (credit: Getty Images)

Researchers have unpacked a major cybersecurity find—a malicious UEFI-based rootkit used in the wild since 2016 to ensure computers remained infected even if an operating system is reinstalled or a hard drive is completely replaced.

The firmware compromises the UEFI, the low-level and highly opaque chain of firmware required to boot up nearly every modern computer. As the software that bridges a PC’s device firmware with its operating system, the UEFI—short for Unified Extensible Firmware Interface—is an OS in its own right. It’s located in an SPI-connected flash storage chip soldered onto the computer motherboard, making it difficult to inspect or patch the code. Because it’s the first thing to run when a computer is turned on, it influences the OS, security apps, and all other software that follows.

Exotic, yes. Rare, no.

On Monday, researchers from Kaspersky profiled CosmicStrand, the security firm’s name for a sophisticated UEFI rootkit that the company detected and obtained through its antivirus software. The find is among only a handful of such UEFI threats known to have been used in the wild. Until recently, researchers assumed that the technical demands required to develop UEFI malware of this caliber put it out of reach of most threat actors. Now, with Kaspersky attributing CosmicStrand to an unknown Chinese-speaking hacking group with possible ties to cryptominer malware, this type of malware may not be so rare after all.

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leiter420
693 days ago
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Gee. Guess I’ll stick with my BIOS ten year old motherboard 😂
JayM
694 days ago
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Atlanta, GA
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RIP Windows 95 Icons

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Bits and pieces of Microsoft’s sweeping aesthetic changes to Windows 10, codenamed Sun Valley, have dropped over the last few months. The OS is getting support for the Advanced Audio Codec (AAC) codec over Bluetooth, new folder icons, and reportedly a much-needed overhaul to its Microsoft Store user interface. (There…

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leiter420
1140 days ago
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moricons.dll!!!
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Wing Dings

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HEYO! PLEASE FOLLOW @LAMEBOOK ON INSTAGRAM! THANK YOU!

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leiter420
1203 days ago
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This would be funny, if it didn’t accurately describe part of my job responsibilities so well.
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Chris Evans On “Buzz Lightyear” Casting

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A major announcement, even amidst the dozens of others at the Disney Investor Day this past week, was that of Pixar’s “Lightyear” project.

The film is a kind of spin-off of the “Toy Story” franchise, a big sci-fi blockbuster epic helmed by Angus MacLane (“Toy Story of Terror”) which follows ‘Buzz Lightyear’ – not the toy voiced by Tim Allen but the character that inspired the toy line within the “Toy Story” screen universe.

As a result, Chris Evans will take on the voice role of this film’s ‘Buzz Lightyear’. Speaking about his casting on Instagram, Evans seeked to clear things up about how this project came to him:

“Working with Pixar is a dream come true. I’ve been a massive fan of their films since the very beginning. My team could barely contain their excitement when they told me that Pixar had a pitch for me. All they said was Buzz Lightyear.

I didn’t know what that meant, since Tim Allen is Buzz Lightyear, and no one could ever touch his performance. I needed to know how this character was different and why this story was worth telling.

I can say two things with absolute confidence: 1. I didn’t stop smiling through the ENTIRE pitch. Ear to ear. 2. Everyone can rest easy. And get very excited. Trust me when I say that they REALLY know what they’re doing over there. This one is gonna special, and it doesn’t step on a single thing.”

Fans of Tim Allen have not taken the news lightly on social media. “Lightyear” is presently on course to hit cinemas on June 17th 2022.

The post Chris Evans On “Buzz Lightyear” Casting appeared first on Dark Horizons.

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leiter420
1284 days ago
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I wish more actors would communicate reassurances like this, especially with the seemingly never ending amount of reboots and spinoffs from cherished and beloved characters.
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